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It’s official folks. I am a professional Smart Ass. 

Pro. 

Fessional. 

I even have a card. Check it. 

Yes, that’s sarcasm oozing everywhere. I don’t know how to turn it off! 

Anyway. 

Just wanted you to know I am now a certified, card-carrying, self-anoited, hard-core, death-defying, buttocks-kicking, bullshit-busting, knock-knock joke-lovin’ you know. 

Turning pro has had its moments, I’ll give you that. I really had to step up my game. Let’s not beat around the bush here: the road has been long… with many a winding turn. 

Indeed, if I’m laden at all

I’m laden with sadness

That everyone’s heart

Isn’t filled with the gladness 

Of love for one another.

Damn, it’s a long long road. 

Okay, fine, I totally ripped that off from He Ain’t Heavy He’s My Brother by the Hollies, from back in the day when songs had real lyrics. 

Powerful lyrics. Oh, perhaps I forgot to mention that I’m a song and lyric-stealing Smart Ass. 

At least I’m honest about it. 

‘Cause, if nothing else, a Smart Ass (with the capital letters… very important) has integrity.  Ask Michele Woodward. She totally gets me. I’m pretty sure she was thinking of me when she wrote her latest blog post about integrity. 

Yes, I am also a name-dropper. 

You still love me though, right? 

‘Cause I ain’t heavy. 

I’m your PROFESSIONAL Smart Ass. 

You should probably hire me, so I can kick your ass with my steel toe stilettos. 

And if you don’t, I’ll still love you, and there ain’t nothing you can do about that.