I really don’t like the word BITCH.
So it makes sense that I don’t like being called one, right?
I get that women want to take back the word (there’s even a song about it), but for whatever reason, I don’t like the b-word and I don’t feel like changing my mind about it.
So I made a boundary. Here’s the boundary, exactly:
“I love you, but I don’t like being called a bitch. If you call me a bitch I will hang up the phone/leave the room/plug my ears/stick out my tongue/take the next plane to Paris and quite possibly all of the above.”
And by the way, that boundary is for me.
Wait… you thought it was for you? Don’t be silly!
You don’t have to honor my boundaries. That’s my job. You can go ahead and ignore my request to not call me the b-word, but if you do, there will be consequences.
Ultimatums suck worse than sucking on lemons.
So, no, I probably won’t leave you (forever) for calling me the b-word, but I will stand up for my boundary if you choose not to honor it.
Let’s face it: we can’t tell people what to do. We can’t make adults do what we want them to do if they don’t want to do it.
But if they…
Consistently show up late;
Smoke in front of us;
Text while we’re having dinner together;
Drive after drinking;
Call us names we don’t like…
WE ARE NOT POWERLESS!
We don’t have to sit there and take it while telling ourselves something like…
But he’ll get mad;
She might not be my friend anymore;
They won’t like me;
I don’t want to be mean;
I really don’t mind;
It’s no big deal;
… none of which makes us feel good. That’s the test…
Whenever our response leaves us feeling the opposite of good, we have kicked ourselves in the gut.
It is our responsibility to feel good. It’s no one else’s job to do that for us.
If people don’t care about being on time, they will be late.
If people want to drink and drive, God help us, they will drink and drive.
If people want to call us names, they can certainly do that.
What matters is… what we do, next.
Do we cower away?
Do we shut ourselves up?
Do we tell ourselves not to be so bitchy?
Do we stifle ourselves so that Other People’s feelings aren’t hurt, and yet ours are torn to shreds?
I tell my coaching clients there are always FOUR OPTIONS, not two.
- Say or do something and feel good about it;
- Say or do something and feel bad about it;
- Don’t say or do something and feel good about it;
- Don’t say or do something and feel bad about it.
Options 2 and 4 are not your only options. Besides, they leave you OUT OF INTEGRITY. You’re not honoring yourself when you choose to respond in a way that leaves you feeling less than, or disrespected, or unworthy, or plain old sad. You’ve got to walk that talk, Girlfriend!
And counting on Other People to make us feel good is not a good game plan for an adult woman with an adult life to live!
When we worry about what Other People will think when we choose to take care of ourselves, we give away pieces of the little girl inside us who wants to feel respected, worthy, lovable, and plain ol’ happy.
I know it’s uncomfortable to stand up for ourselves at times. But that’s not a good enough reason to turn our backs on ourselves.
We are grown-ass women now. We are kind-hearted, lovable, worthy, respectable, grown-ass women.
And if Other People choose to feel hurt when we honor ourselves, well then, we must find a way to let it be.
Otherwise we’re just choosing to live in our own self-created inner hell.
You can call me a bitch for saying this, but, “I love you, and if you choose not to honor my boundaries, there will be consequences.”
Don’t believe me? Just watch.
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