WOMAN UP: The NEW Rules for Women Over 40

woman up

I love Amy Schumer. She clearly lives by her own set of rules and is not deterred by OPO… Other People’s Opinions.

The girl’s got guts! 

Just look at all the flak she took when she dared to post a semi-nude photo of herself on Facebook. The comments were ruthless. She didn’t care (I’m guessing she felt the sting at least a little bit (?) but that didn’t stop her). Amy Schumer decided to play by her rules, and they were clearly strongly defined and well thought out.

We all have a set of rules, whether we realize it or not. Not knowing what rules you unconsciously live your life by is causing you more pain than you realize. 

Our “rules” represent our values and what we stand for. If we don’t know what we stand for, or if our rules downright suck lemons, we don’t have a clue how to stand UP for ourselves… we back down and defer to everyone else and tell ourselves we’re just “too nice.”

That is the opposite of what it means to Woman UP.

You get to write your own rules, of course. But if you need a little help with creating a personal list of “rules to live by”… feel free to borrow mine; I call them the New Rules For Women Over 40 (and 50, 60, etc.).

How To Woman UP!

THE (GUTSY) NEW RULES

RULE #1: Woman UP

You are an adult woman. Own it.
Do not allow your inner-6-year-old to run your adult life.
Get back in the driver’s seat.
Take responsibility for creating the life you crave.

RULE #2: Complain With Purpose

Sometimes we need to vent.
Vow to complain “consciously.”
When you feel the need to complain,
do it with someone who doesn’t fan your flames…
someone who puts a time limit on your “emotional thought dump.”
Afterwards, take a moment to pause, reflect, and accept what cannot be changed. 

RULE #3: Stop The Blame Game

Blame begets shame… ditch it. 
The moment you became an adult woman
you became the only person who was
responsible for your future happiness.
Yes, you may have had a childhood that was terrible;
that is most certainly not on you. But your adult life?
That’s 100% your responsibility. You can’t blame menopause.
And you certainly can’t blame your mother. Not any more.
Move forward.

RULE # 4: Get In Your Right Mind

Learn the difference between thoughts
that come from your (still) frightened Child Mind
and those that come from the grown up Adult Mind in you.
There’s a big difference and it’s all in the way you think.
Think responsibly. 

RULE # 5: Heal Your Body

Take care of your body, please.
To the extent that it is out of shape and overweight,
your body is suffering, because it has been at the
mercy of your Child Mind–the part of you that thinks
you “deserve” cake after a hard day; or that exercise is “too hard.”
Your body deserves better from your mind.
(See Rule #1)

RULE #6: Speak UP

Claim your space.
You’ve lived enough years to know the times when you tend to 
back down, give in, give up, and shut up. No more!
You have a voice and you MUST use it.    
Stand your ground, stay strong, and speak UP.

RULE # 7: Listen UP

Stop talking. Listen more.
There’s power in listening and giving others
the gift of being heard. Be determined to learn from
what you hear, even if you don’t like it. Use the information
you glean from listening and decide what to say and do next,
from a place of compassion and love.
Become a conscious and loving listener.

RULE # 8: Lift Other Women UP

Do not be afraid of, or feel diminished by,
the success of other women. Celebrate with them.
Trust the sun to shine on you like it does on everyone.
Step out of your own shadow and shine. 

RULE # 9: Talk Nice

It’s ok to “gossip” but only if you do it with grace.
If you talk about someone, do it from a place of compassion
and love,
and always without judgment.
Don’t take part in conversations intended
to bolster your ego at the expense of others.

As Don Miguel Ruiz teaches
in his book, The Four Agreements,
“Be impeccable with your word.”

RULE # 10: Ditch the Drama

You know better. (See Rule #1.)
And don’t fall for “Other People’s Drama.”
It’s only going to get you to violate Rule # 6. Don’t fall for it.
Set boundaries. 

RULE # 11: Stop Apologizing

You never have to apologize for the decisions you make when it
comes to taking care of yourself and your family.
Don’t explain in order to win someone’s favor.
Allow people to disagree with what you think is best.
What they choose to think is not your business anyway,
just as it is not their business to tell you how to “be” in the world.
Love them, but do not answer to them. 

Trust that you, and only you, know what is best for you.  

RULE # 12: Decide Already!

Just because a decision may be difficult to make doesn’t mean
you get to languish in indecision. Not deciding keeps you spinning. 
It makes you feel out of control. And it drives everyone else crazy. 
Make a decision and move on.

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